How do I write this? I'm not one to write about really personal things. But I feel this needs to be shared... Hmmm...
The past few weeks have been very different. My marriage has changed in ways I never thought they would.
Let's start here... I used to be a party animal. I loved drinking and smoking and doing whatever I wanted. I loved staying up till 4 am and waking up at 2 pm. That was life and it was fun. I got pregnant with Claire and stopped everything. And I truly believe that God used that tiny baby in my belly to change my heart. I no longer cared about drinking and partying and "having fun". As that sweet baby girl grew inside of me my love for God grew. I was a changed woman and it felt amazing. But nothing changed for Lane. And I prayed for him. I prayed and prayed and prayed. For almost six years I prayed.
A few weeks ago my world came crashing down. I won't be specific, but life changed. My marriage changed. God was doing something and he had to shake me to make me see that he wanted things to change. He wanted Lane and I to change.
I spent two days praying and crying. Praying for peace and hope and change. I cried more than I ever have. I cried myself to sleep and I cried all day. I cried until I had no tears left.
Then it happened. God took my heart and lit a fire. A fire for my husband. A fire for my marriage. I would fight for us no matter what.
I hugged Lane. I cried and we prayed. I don't think we've prayed like that together since the day we got engaged over 10 years ago. But we prayed and I felt God there with us. I knew he was saying, "This is what I want for you two. This is what I want for your marriage."
I look at Lane now. I've changed. I've changed the way I see him and the way I feel about him. I'm so in love with this man. I'm so blessed to be married to a man who is so in love with his wife and so adoring of his little girls. He is a good man. A man who works hard to provide for us and who will always put us first. A man who I can go to at 3 AM for prayer when I'm feeling anxious and can't sleep.
And as I write this with tears in my eyes, I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed because after six years of prayer God answered. God is bigger and better and more powerful than ever and I see it in our marriage. More than anything, I wanted to share God with my husband. I wanted God in our marriage. Now I can proudly say that He is here, in our marriage. The last three weeks have been crazy and intense and then wonderful and amazing. God truly changed my heart for my husband.
Wives, pray for your husbands. Don't give up praying for your husbands! And pray for yourselves. Pray that God will give you a love for you husband that is more powerful than you even thought possible.
Here is a quote from a book I read recently... "All I ever wanted in life was to fall in love, be married, have children, and live a passionate romance unknown to the world. I wanted to prove that even through trials, marriages could be beautiful, romantic and conquering amidst a thousand enemies."
This is the love I want. This is the romance I've prayed for since I was a little girl. And I have it. I'm so blessed to have it.
I'm seeing love with new eyes. Love truly does conquer all.