The past few days have been a whirlwind or stress, fear, no sleep and a million questions.
It started on Friday when I noticed that I was bleeding. (If you're a dude, you might want to stop reading now. This might be TMI.) I had just finished my period about 8 or 9 days before, so this was odd.
I went to bed thinking it was just some spotting... maybe I was ovulating? This was unusual for me but I know that it can happen.
Woke up, and I was bleeding more and I was in pain. I'll spare you the details.
Of course, being the googler that I am(that's probably not a word, but I am a "googler"), I checked out my symptoms online. I had three options. Pregnancy, cancer and cancer. Yes, two different kinds of cancer.
*Note to self: Do not google your symptoms. It always leads to this.
The blood kept coming and I was freaked out. I called around and a dear friend was able to get me into a doctors office about three days after the bleeding started. I had an exam, a pap, and then she instructed me to go get an ultrasound and some blood work to rule out uterine cancer and ovarian cancer. My heart skipped a beat.
I went in today and had my ultrasound. Outside and internal. Geez! Getting that done is sooo nerve wracking!!! They don't talk to you... not even small talk. They are so serious and they just click away on that keyboard, then after 40 minutes they tell you you're done. Goodbye.
I left there and went to get my blood work done. Four different hormone tests and one cancer screening.
I was stressed all day, waiting for a call. I honestly got to the point where I was praying, "Okay Lord, whatever you have for me, I will take it with faith. You have my life in your hands."
I got a call this evening. Praise Jesus! It's not cancer.
But I'll tell you that these past few days have reminded me that life is fragile. At any point we can be put in a place that might seem like it's too much to bear. Or life can just be taken in an instant. Do I want to live this life the way I have been living? No. I want to wake up everyday and live life to the fullest. I want to be proud of the way I love and parent my children. I want to be proud of the way I love my husband. I want to be thankful for all that I have. I want to know God more and to be good to him.
Thank you God for the little things. Thank you for reminding me that you're alive and real and that you give us the strength and courage to take on this life. Thank you for this life.