Adoption day. Continued...

Where did I leave off?  Oh yes... we were told we could leave... with a baby... say what???  He was finally ours.

Picture of all us!  Foster mom is in the middle.

We all headed out to a van, which would take us back to our hotel.  Another family was also riding in the van.  They had just gotten their son as well.  Ha Eum was excited to get into the van.  We knew from videos we had received that he loved going places so maybe this 35 minute drive back to the hotel would be a piece of cake.  Wrong.  Five minutes into the drive the tears began to flow.  He was crying, I was crying, the other little guy was crying, his mom AND dad were crying.  The only ones not crying were Lane and the driver.  We were passing around kleenex.  We were trying to console our little ones as best we could as they cried out for their foster moms.  I cannot even begin to tell you how this feels.  To know that you can't give them what they need in that moment.  To know that their little hearts are breaking into a million pieces and you just have to sit there and watch and rub their backs... if they will let you.

We made it back to the hotel and Ha Eum continued to cry for about another hour.  Just banging on the door crying for his foster mom.  We'd pick him and and he'd let us hold him for a few minutes at a time then he'd want to get down and cry alone.  Sweet boy.  Poor sweet boy:(

He finally calmed down so we headed out to the park.  Distraction has been the best medicine thus far.  And this boy loves to play!  We went to park and he did sooo great.  He was laughing and playing hide and seek.

We went back to the hotel and he took a bath for over an hour.  He LOVES his baths.  He would stay in there all day if he could.

He had the biggest day and he finally fell asleep in the stroller while we walked around the mall.  

I honestly can't believe that we are in this place.  He is finally here.  He is finally part of our family.

The transition for him and I has not been easy but every day it gets better.  He lets me hold him and kiss him now, which he didn't for the first few days.  I know he wants to love me but I know that he also remembers his foster mom as his mom.  I know that it will only get better with time.  The Lord has given me so much patience, even at three o'clock in the morning when he is crying for his foster mom and pushing me away. I've cried this week, more than I have ever cried in my life.  But God has done something huge in me.  Because of Ha Eum I am a new person, a new mom.  I'm thankful for the chance to start over as a mom.  There are so many things I regret with the girls.  I regret not spending enough time with them.  I regret becoming impatient so quickly.  But I can feel that my heart has changed.  I'm not perfect.  I never will be.  But I want to be a good mom and I will try with all of my heart.  Thank God for the beauty of adoption.  He truly has a heart for it and I am sooo incredibly blessed to have been a part of this.

And this little boy is sooo in love with his sisters.  Can't wait to share about that!  Thank you friends for all of your prayers for our trip and our son and our family.  Prayer is so powerful.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

More posts to come!  I have so many pictures to share...