Wednesday, November 7, 2012

To be reminded...

The past few days have been a whirlwind or stress, fear, no sleep and a million questions.

It started on Friday when I noticed that I was bleeding.  (If you're a dude, you might want to stop reading now.  This might be TMI.)  I had just finished my period about 8 or 9 days before, so this was odd.

I went to bed thinking it was just some spotting... maybe I was ovulating?  This was unusual for me but I know that it can happen.

Woke up, and I was bleeding more and I was in pain.  I'll spare you the details.    

Of course, being the googler that I am(that's probably not a word, but I am a "googler"), I checked out my symptoms online.  I had three options.  Pregnancy, cancer and cancer.  Yes, two different kinds of cancer.  
*Note to self: Do not google your symptoms.  It always leads to this.

The blood kept coming and I was freaked out.  I called around and a dear friend was able to get me into a doctors office about three days after the bleeding started.  I had an exam, a pap, and then she instructed me to go get an ultrasound and some blood work to rule out uterine cancer and ovarian cancer.  My heart skipped a beat.  

I went in today and had my ultrasound.  Outside and internal.  Geez!  Getting that done is sooo nerve wracking!!!  They don't talk to you... not even small talk.  They are so serious and they just click away on that keyboard, then after 40 minutes they tell you you're done.  Goodbye.  

I left there and went to get my blood work done.  Four different hormone tests and one cancer screening.  

I was stressed all day, waiting for a call.  I honestly got to the point where I was praying, "Okay Lord, whatever you have for me, I will take it with faith.  You have my life in your hands."

I got a call this evening.  Praise Jesus!  It's not cancer.  

But I'll tell you that these past few days have reminded me that life is fragile.  At any point we can be put in a place that might seem like it's too much to bear.  Or life can just be taken in an instant.  Do I want to live this life the way I have been living?  No.  I want to wake up everyday and live life to the fullest.  I want to be proud of the way I love and parent my children.  I want to be proud of the way I love my husband.  I want to be thankful for all that I have.  I want to know God more and to be good to him.  

Thank you God for the little things.  Thank you for reminding me that you're alive and real and that you give us the strength and courage to take on this life.  Thank you for this life.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

I haven't blogged for weeks.  I've been in a weird place.  I've just needed time to figure stuff out.  I'm trying to figure our little guy out, trying to balance life with three kids, a husband who works a lot but still needs me, and a house that is never ever clean.  How do I do this??  I'm getting there.  I'm not there yet, but it'll happen eventually... I hope.

I feel like I finally have something to blog about today...

My little guy is finally loving me.  Really, truly, loving me.  I learned this today when we spent time a friends house for a birthday party.  The house was full of people.  Ha Eum went outside into the back yard for minute to explore.  I could see him from where I was and as he walked back in he called out, "Mama!  Mama!" and searched for me.  My heart melted.  This was the moment.  This was the moment I finally felt like his mama.  I had to blog about this.  I want to remember this day.  I want to remember the look on his little face as he looked around the room for me.  He came over and climbed up on my lap, just for second as if to say, "Just checkin' in mama", then he scooted off of me and went to play some more.  This is a huge step for us. 

I'm so proud to have this little man in our lives.  He is still wild and crazy, but everyday we see more and more of his sweet tiny heart.  Give us a couple more months and we'll be golden.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Fall Fashion Week. Day 2.

I'm a day late!

Fall fashion week is happening this week over at delirious rhapsody.

I haven't done this for awhile but I thought it would be fun and a good excuse to get dressed this week.  I probably won't be able to do this everyday but today my husband is home so I have a minute to blog.  Most days I'm so busy with these kiddos that I barely have time to do anything else but cook, clean, wipe little butts, and play.  Life is good!

Here is today's...

Dress: Forever 21 (years ago!)
Sandals: Gap (little girls)
Feather earrings: Elladolce 
Check out her etsy.  She's got some great stuff!  And she's a friend of mine:)  

I know it's not a very fall-ish outfit but the weather is so beautiful today.  75 degrees!  No long sleeves or boots for us!

Had to get a shot of the little man too!

Hope you have a wonderful Sunday!  
Can't wait to sit down with a cup of tea tonight and look at everyone else's outfits.  

Saturday, September 8, 2012

September 8th.

One year ago today, we saw the sweet face of our tiny boy.  

One year ago today, I fell in love with a little person that I had never even met.

Today is September 8th.  A day I will always remember as the day I "met" my son for the first time.

And now a year later I can't even believe how blessed we are to have him in our lives.  Our house is now much louder, much crazier and filled with more joy and love than I ever thought possible.  This little boy has done something to our family that can't be expressed in words.  This is proof that us and him were truly meant to be.  Proof that when we went into this process God had the perfect little person for us.  

I can't believe that we are a family of five.  I still trip out when I see his little body running from one room to the next in our house.  I cannot believe that he's finally here.  I can't believe that he is ours.  Thank God for our sweet (and crazy) little boy.  

Little Yoomie Zoomie, (if you know us, you know we love our nicknames...), our tiny man who never stops eating, we love you with all of our hearts.  You are such a huge blessing.  Thank you for being awesome.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Adoption day. Continued...

Where did I leave off?  Oh yes... we were told we could leave... with a baby... say what???  He was finally ours.
Picture of all us!  Foster mom is in the middle.

We all headed out to a van, which would take us back to our hotel.  Another family was also riding in the van.  They had just gotten their son as well.  Ha Eum was excited to get into the van.  We knew from videos we had received that he loved going places so maybe this 35 minute drive back to the hotel would be a piece of cake.  Wrong.  Five minutes into the drive the tears began to flow.  He was crying, I was crying, the other little guy was crying, his mom AND dad were crying.  The only ones not crying were Lane and the driver.  We were passing around kleenex.  We were trying to console our little ones as best we could as they cried out for their foster moms.  I cannot even begin to tell you how this feels.  To know that you can't give them what they need in that moment.  To know that their little hearts are breaking into a million pieces and you just have to sit there and watch and rub their backs... if they will let you.

We made it back to the hotel and Ha Eum continued to cry for about another hour.  Just banging on the door crying for his foster mom.  We'd pick him and and he'd let us hold him for a few minutes at a time then he'd want to get down and cry alone.  Sweet boy.  Poor sweet boy:(

He finally calmed down so we headed out to the park.  Distraction has been the best medicine thus far.  And this boy loves to play!  We went to park and he did sooo great.  He was laughing and playing hide and seek.

We went back to the hotel and he took a bath for over an hour.  He LOVES his baths.  He would stay in there all day if he could.

He had the biggest day and he finally fell asleep in the stroller while we walked around the mall.  

I honestly can't believe that we are in this place.  He is finally here.  He is finally part of our family.

The transition for him and I has not been easy but every day it gets better.  He lets me hold him and kiss him now, which he didn't for the first few days.  I know he wants to love me but I know that he also remembers his foster mom as his mom.  I know that it will only get better with time.  The Lord has given me so much patience, even at three o'clock in the morning when he is crying for his foster mom and pushing me away. I've cried this week, more than I have ever cried in my life.  But God has done something huge in me.  Because of Ha Eum I am a new person, a new mom.  I'm thankful for the chance to start over as a mom.  There are so many things I regret with the girls.  I regret not spending enough time with them.  I regret becoming impatient so quickly.  But I can feel that my heart has changed.  I'm not perfect.  I never will be.  But I want to be a good mom and I will try with all of my heart.  Thank God for the beauty of adoption.  He truly has a heart for it and I am sooo incredibly blessed to have been a part of this.

And this little boy is sooo in love with his sisters.  Can't wait to share about that!  Thank you friends for all of your prayers for our trip and our son and our family.  Prayer is so powerful.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

More posts to come!  I have so many pictures to share...

Thursday, August 30, 2012

So a little update... The little one finally fell asleep after about 3 hours of crying for his foster mom:( My heart is breaking. It's so sad to see him hurting so badly. This is a part of the adoption process that isn't talked about much. He is grieving the loss of his foster family big time right now. All we can do is hold him and love him.

Now that I have a minute I want to post about yesterday. The big day. The day we became a family of five.

Yesterday went good. We arrived at Eastern Social Welfare Society at 1:00 pm. 30 minutes early. We were waiting in the office for our social worker to come and get us. We filled out some paper work and waited some more. It was HOT. Probably 85 degrees outside and 100% humidity. Inside was a teeny bit better, not much.

After filling out some paperwork we were taken into another room upstairs where we watched a video about Eastern Social Welfare Society. There was another couple in the room with us who were also going to bring their baby home.

This is where is gets good... After the video, we were given a tour of Eastern. The checked out the nursery, where our son was until he was 4 months old. It's so incredible seeing that room full of little lovies! And the sound of their cries is like heaven. I'm serious. What a sweet sound. So many tiny innocent voices in one room, all crying together. What a beautiful thing Eastern has goin' on.

So as were checking out the nursery I turned and looked and there he was on his foster moms back. I immediately began to sob. And so did his foster mom. I walked over to her and she turned so I could see Ha Eum on her back. Her and I cried for a few minutes and held each other. She knew this was the day I had been waiting for and the day that had come too soon for her. She touched my face and wiped my tears. We couldn't speak to each other at all, but there were no words needed. I knew that she knew that I'd love him.

The director of Eastern let us have our little cry session for a few minutes and then led us to another part of the building to finish the tour. Then we waited some more before our official meeting with the foster mother, Ha Eum and her daughter in law.

Finally it was time. Time to see my boy play and be crazy and just be a... BOY. Geeeez, he is SUCH a boy. He's busy busy busy. He never stops. I had no idea how different this would be from my girls.  We all sat on the floor, with our shoes off of course. And we talked about Ha Eum. About his eating habits, his sleeping habits (which are horrible by the way... bed at midnight?!?) Ha Eum warmed up to Lane really quickly. Within 10 minutes they were playing and laughing. Lane and the baby played while I talked to the foster mom with our translator. We exchanged gifts and cried some more. Our hour was up like the blink of an eye. I had so many questions I wanted to ask but I didn't get to any of those. I was too busy watching our son.

All of a sudden the social worker said, "Okay. It's time for you guys to go back to your hotel so let's head out". Wow. Okay. This is wild!  We're just going to suddenly be the parents of a 20 months old baby...

I'm sooo tired I'm falling asleep. I'll finish my story tomorrow! Goodnight from South Korea. We'll be in San Francisco in 30 hours!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Be ready for a picture overload today!

Bibimbap on the plane!

View from our room! You can see the park right across the street! Can't wait to take Ha Eum there!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

8 hours until we meet him...

I'm sitting in our hotel room in Seoul. We have the most insane view of the city from up here on the 37th floor.

I feel a lot of peace this morning. No stress, no anxiety.

Our flight went well. I am not a good flyer AT ALL. But we made it here, typhoon and all. We checked into our hotel and asked about the typhoon and they said, "It's happening right now. This is the typhoon". No wonder why when our plane landed it felt like I was on the worlds craziest carnival ride. It was awful. But when things got rough, I'd just close my eyes and thank God that we were about to step foot in the same country as our tiny one.

We meet our son in 8 hours. I can't even believe this. I feel so calm. Maybe I'm just in shock. I know today will bring so much joy, but at the same time my heart will break for Ha Eum's foster mom. The woman who has loved him and cared for him since he was four months old. She's been there with every milestone. She watched him learn to babble and crawl and take his first steps. I will be forever grateful to this woman who taught our son about love. And she will always be a part of his life.

So... time to get ready. Time to iron our clothes and head out for one of the biggest days of our lives so far.

Please pray for us. Pray for peace over our meeting with his foster family. Pray for his foster mom. Pray that when we go and we take him with us, he will feel in his little heart that it's right.

Today is the day. August 29th, 2012. The day we meet our son.

P.S. Pictures coming later!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Monday, August 27, 2012

On our way!

This is surreal. Our flight was delayed a few hours because of the typhoon but we're almost ready to board. We're coming baby!!!

Saturday, August 25, 2012


Thursday morning I found out that our son had his visa interview scheduled for 1:00 the following day!  I cried off and on throughout the day.  The visa interview is one of the last steps in this whole crazy process and it usually means that you are only days away from getting THE CALL.  The call where they say, "He's ready.  Book your flights!"  So... we found out about the visa interview and I emailed our agency.  She told me since it was on a Friday and everything closes for the weekend that we'd have our travel call by the end of next week.  I was excited because the end of next week was not far off... of course in my heart I wanted it to be sooner than the end of next week.

I woke up yesterday morning, happy knowing that we'd be getting the call the following week.  I was ready to go about my day.  Get the girls ready for school, take them to school, run some errands, etc.  At 7:45 the phone rings, which is not unusual at this time but my heart seriously jumped out of my chest and I just had a feeling.  I answered.  "Hi Erin, it's Regina from AAC.  I was wrong!  Your son is ready to come home now!"  FINALLY!!!  I have been waiting to hear these words for 11 months and 16 days!  

So flights are booked.  We're flying out Monday, getting to Korea on Tuesday, and getting our little guy on Wednesday!!!  Wednesday people!  We'll finally be parents to this little guy who I have thought about and prayed for for almost 2 years. 

Finally!  I'm gonna say it again... finally.

Also, please pray for our travels.  Typhoon warning for Tuesday in South Korea... the day we fly in.  Oh boy.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

19 days and counting...

It's been exactly 19 days since we were told that it would be about 2 to 4 weeks until we'd meet our little one.  These have been the longest 19 days of my life.  I've kind of been living in a haze.  I'm just constantly on edge.  Not moody,  but just feeling like I need to get things done and get my baby home and there's nothing I can do about it.  At this point I'm just frustrated and sad and anxious.  Going into this I never thought it would be such an insane emotional roller coaster.  But it is.  It's such a crazy feeling when you love this little person so much and you know you are only weeks away from holding them in your arms but you can't.  You just can't.  Aaaaahhhh!  I just want to scream.  This is me venting.  

Baby boy, we are almost there!  We will be with you soon.  My heart is breaking every day because I want to be with you!  

Can't wait to write the blog telling everyone that we're getting on that plane!  SOON!  I hope!

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

He's almost home!

This may be the first time I've ever posted two blogs in one day but I am so beyond thrilled to share this with the world that I just have to.  

If you know how the adoption world works this will be easy to understand... if not, I'll try and explain it well.  On July 24th our son's exit permit was submitted to the Korean government.  From that point you would normally wait about a month for that paper work to be reviewed and accepted so that they can finish some more paperwork and give him a passport allowing him to leave the country and come home with us.  

On Friday Lane and I were leaving to go out of town for our ten year anniversary trip.  We were so excited to relax.  I was soo content with our place in the adoption world.  Knowing that we'd get word about our baby in about a month or so was keeping me happy.  We stopped to get gas before we left town and I checked my email on my phone... as I usually do about twenty times a day.  I had an email from our agency, which wasn't unusual since we're nearing the end here, but the subject line read, "WOW!  Exit Permit approved!"  I began crying uncontrollably and praying and thanking God.  How in the world???  Basically it took 9 calendar days for us to get our exit permit approved which is out of this world.  It was fast and unexpected and a HUGE deal when you've been waiting for your little one to come home for a year a half.  

What an insane blessing!  

So this is what this all means... We were told that our son would probably be ready to come home in 2 to 4 weeks!  Say what???  Yep.  That's right.  2 to 4 weeks people.  At this point I'm pretty sure it'll be closer to 4 weeks.  There are a lot of families waiting to get that call that their sweet babies are ready to come home and we're on the bottom of the list.  But he'll be home soon!  So soon!!!  In a few short weeks we'll be getting on a plane to go meet our son for the first time.  I get chills just thinking about it!

I can finally pack his suitcase and fill it with diapers and wipes and clothes.  I wouldn't be totally crazy if I did that now because this is happening soon.  I wanted to pack it a year ago... :)

Thank you friends for your prayers over the last *almost* two years.  We started this process that long ago!  And your prayers have meant the world to me.  

Soon enough I'll be able to share photos of his FACE!  (He has the sweetest face!)  We can't yet.  But soon!

P.S.  One more thing... I got LASIK surgery on my eyes a week and half ago.  Pretty much one of the coolest things that has ever happened to me.  I can see!!!  

Monday, August 6, 2012

10 years down...

Ten years ago I was 20 years old.  Ten years ago I put on a wedding dress and laughed with my girlfriends before walking down the aisle toward my 19 year old husband-to-be.  I remember realizing ten minutes before walking down the aisle that I was starving and scarfing down a ham sandwich.  I remember bawling my eyes out while holding onto my dads arm because this was it.  I was marrying this boy that I loved soo much.  I remember seeing his face and seeing him cry and feeling like my heart was exploding with excitement!  Ten years ago I married my soul mate.  Cheesy but absolutely true.  These ten years have flown by.  We've done so much.  We've seen the entire country via a ford van packed with music equipment and stinky boys.  We've learned how to love each other unconditionally.  We've learned that no matter what we're here to stay.  Things changed A LOT when the babies came along.  We've learned how to change diapers together, and how to kiss little knees after a fall.  And the older our children get the more thankful I am that we have one another.  Watching Lane adore his girls is one of the most amazing things I've seen.  And seeing our girls adore their daddy melts my heart on the spot.  

I can't believe ten years have gone by.  I can't believe that I am so lucky to have this man in my life.  I know this man will never stop loving me.  I know our love is right and good and everything that I hoped and prayed for as a little girl.  It's not perfect but it's wonderful.  

Thank you God for the blessing of true love.  Thank you God for bringing this man into my life.  We have so much to look forward to.  We have so many memories to make.  

I can't wait to see lane with his son for the first time in a few short weeks.  So heres to ten wonderful years with the man of my dreams.  Seriously,  I married a good one!  

I love you Lane.  Always will.  

I tried to find some old pictures because we pretty much have NO wedding pictures.  Sad, but we were just kids and didn't know any better.  

Friday, July 20, 2012

Bass Lake - Round one

I say round one because Lane and I are going here in two weeks for our TEN YEAR ANNIVERSARY!  Ten years.  Woohoo!  

Lane went out of town on a business trip this last week, so last minute the girls and I packed our gear and headed up to Bass Lake to meet my parents for a few days of camping.  I used to go to Bass Lake almost every summer when I was a kid.  And it was even more beautiful than I remember.  The water is so clear and so warm.  And the smells!  Oh the smells!  Pine and fresh air and dirt.  It's so good.  And I got some serious relax time in.  The girls played and played all day and I got to read and nap and lounge.  It was amazing.

We stayed for three days and the girls were in heaven.  I think we'll definitely make it an annual thing.  Can't wait to take baby brother with us next summer!

Isn't it gorgeous?

This little deer hung out a lot.

 Willow Cove.  My favorite part of Bass Lake as a kid.

 The girls and I built a super legit elephant enclosure with a pool (not shown).

Rest time after a looong day of swimming.

Monday, July 9, 2012

4th of July Weekend & Photos!

  We had a big bash at our house on the 4th.  There were tons of people, huge amounts of good food and about a million kids running around.  We even had a camp out in our front yard with just a few of us.  I hardly got any pictures... as usual.  The ones I did get were taken on my iPhone, outside, in the dark... so I'm not even gonna try with those.

The day after our party we packed up and headed up to the lake.  Aaaahhhh.  Four days of doing nothing.  Isn't that the best?  We love Lake San Antonio.  We found a spot where we pretty much have our own private little beach the whole time.  The weather is usually about 100 degrees and the water is perfect.  The girls could live there for sure.  Lane and I could too.  We love to camp.  We're getting better and better at it too.  The only thing missing was our little guy.  It's getting harder every day without him home.  

Here are some pictures from our weekend.  Enjoy!

So nice, huh?

Bridgette just doin' what she does.

Sisterly love.

 I'm so thankful that these tiny ladies love each other so much.

Happy Monday everyone:)