Wednesday, July 28, 2010

So, here I am.

It happens every time... well the last two times... I participate in the blogging fashion week... blogging every day... sometimes even twice a day, and then I disappear for awhile.

So, here I am.

I'm gonna write about anxiety... again... I know it's good to talk about... for me.  The past few weeks have been great.  I've had little to no anxiety.  The weeks before that were hell.  Absolutely horrible.  I felt out of control and was just waiting for my anxiety to end!  The problem is, when I'm super anxious I don't have an appetite.  If I don't have an appetite, I don't eat.  If I don't eat, I can't run.  And if I can't run, I go crazy.  So it was just a snowball effect.  Things were getting worse and worse and worse... until I finally snapped out of it... took a deep breath and realized that I was okay.  It's those long periods of time spent in an anxious state that REALLY wear you down, make you feel weak, and take away every last drop of energy.  And every time I come to the realization that anxiety is so LAME.  It's so unnecessary and such a waste of time.  It's ridiculous that I let if have so much power over me.  Why does this happen?  For me, I know it's part spiritual.  I feel as if I'm being attacked... physically, mentally and emotionally.  And also, I really feel that hormones play a huge part in all of this.  Why oh why do we women have these raging hormones?!?  Sucky.  

So, here I am.

Back to normal.  I feel good.  I feel patient.  I feel the Lord's peace.  All is well.

But now do I just wait in anticipation for the next tidal wave of anxiety to come and crush me???  I guess I do... in hopes that I'll deal with it just a teeny bit better the next time.  I am finding that I learn something new about myself every time.  I learn better ways of coping.  So, I guess I can say it's getting easier.  I wish it didn't take so long to heal from this.  But that's life.

And it helps knowing that I really have to keep my shiz together for these ones...
They're worth it. 

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Summer Fashion Week -Sunday

I'm bummed that this is the last day.  I've had so much fun doing this.

Today we're dressed comfy.  We're doing a family bike ride.  And we're leaving in 10 minutes so I've got to go!

I'm wearing a necklace today!  Pretty exciting.  

Necklace: Urban Outfitters
Shirt: Urban Outfitters
Jeans: American Rag Cie from Marshalls
Shoes: Toms

This week was so great!  I had so much fun with all of you.  Can't wait till next season!  Have a great day everyone!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Summer Fashion Week - Saturday

Can't believe it's already Saturday!  I've had so much fun actually getting dressed this week.  

Short sleeved cardigan: Ross?
Tank top: Forever 21
Shorts: I don't know.  I've had these forever.
Sandals: Diba from Therapy

And I'm late today!  I just got dressed and it's after 2:00.  Oh well.  Can't wait to see what everyone else is wearing!  

Friday, July 16, 2010

Summer Fashion Week - Friday

Looking at everyone else I really wish I could wear jewelry... but because I've got so much going on... tattoos... I never wear necklaces.  But they look fun!  Here's today...

Headband: Forever 21
Tank top: Forever 21
Skirt: Walmart for $1 (My mom picked it up last year after summer!)
Sandals: I have no idea

And just for fun, here's some pictures of my little beauties...

Have a good day everyone.  And check out all of the ladies at!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Summer Fashion Week - Thursday

It's another hot one!  Maybe even 75 today.  So I'm in real summer clothes and the girls are constantly naked.  

Shirt: Walmart ($3!!!)
Skirt: Target

I should've ironed this skirt.  But ironing really isn't my style.  

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Summer Fashion Week - Wednesday

We are having a heat wave!  It's in the 70's today so I busted out my romper.  I've never worn this thing and probably wouldn't wear it in public... I like to be a little more covered up.  But it's hot out there today.  And our plan is to stay at home all and play in the water.

Romper: Forever 21
Shoes: Toms

Pretty simple.  And looking at this I realize my hair is crazy.  I literally just rolled out of bed and put this on.

Have a wonderful day everyone!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Blogging craziness and craziness in my head.

So I've been blogging it up lately... it's crazy.  I've just been dealing with some stuff.  So here I am.  I need to get on here and get it out.  It's been anxiety city over here.  I haven't had it this bad for awhile.  I've been staying up until 1:00 or 2:00 every night because I just can't relax enough to fall asleep.  So I end up reading, watching TV, lurking on facebook... for hours.

So like a lot of people, my anxiety stems from fear.  Irrational fear.  If you've read my blog before, you know I have an intense fear of germs, sicknesses, etc.  Sometimes I just have to hear about people being sick and my anxiety spirals out of control.  It's stupid.  I know.  I know that all it takes is me making a decision to change my mind about the things I'm feeling... but it's not that easy.  What I've noticed though is that every time I feel over-the-top anxious I spend a lot more time praying and reading and seeking God. Which is a good thing.  Someone said to me the other day... maybe it's just God's way of getting your attention.  That might be true.  But will I ever be in a place where I can just be content and at peace and be done with this?  I don't know.  I hope I get there.

And for me medication is not the answer.  I don't even take Tylenol.  During labor and childbirth I had nothing.  After I pushed those babies out I took some Ibuprofen after... and that was it!  I'm not into medication.  So that's not even an option for me.  I'm going to experiment with some herbal stuff though. St. John's Wort, Kava Kava... we'll see what happens.

If anyone has any advice, ideas, tips... fill me in.

Summer Fashion Week - Tuesday

It's funny because I feel like everything I normally wear I used for the Spring Fashion Week a few months ago.  Our weather doesn't really change around here... it's 65 degrees pretty much all the time.  But today is a little warmer so I'm wearing shorts.

Shirt: Elle
Shorts: See Thru Soul

Then I changed it up and belted it...

Belt: Forever 21
Shorts: Luv from Urban Outfitters

And now as I'm writing this I'm in jeans.  I got cold.  But it's really nice today... so I just might put those shorts back on.  Hope you all have a wonderful day.  Can't wait to see how cute you look!

Daisy Love.

My heart is aching for this sweet little girl.

I don't know her or her family personally but I've been following their blog and my heart hurts so much for them.  Earlier this year this little one was diagnosed with cancer.  She did 7 months of chemo and did her last treatment a few months ago.  Earlier this week, they found a new tumor.  A big one.  Please please pray for Daisy.  She's so amazing and beautiful and full of life.  PLEASE pray for her.  

Monday, July 12, 2010

Summer Fashion Week - Monday

I didn't know if I wanted to do this again Cause it's a lot of work to "get dressed" everyday... but here I am.

Here's Monday...

Tunic/Dress - Forever 21
Shoes - Dollhouse

And I'm wearing shorts under this... because it's suuuper short.  

This is really fun to do.  If you can, join in!!!  Click on that link up there.

Friday, July 9, 2010


The last few weeks have been rough.  I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety again, which is the worst.  Every time this happens it seems to take me weeks to get back to that place where I'm praying and asking God to help me through it.  It's almost like I forget that that's an option.  But I'm in that place now.  Aaaaah.  I feel like I can breathe.  This last week was rough.  A lot of it was spent in panic mode... no appetite, shaking, feeling like I can't breathe... the usual.  And when I feel that way, I don't want to do anything.  I don't want to eat or sleep or run.  I just want to sit.  So I try to stay busy, I try to focus but my mind is racing and jumping from one thing to the next, but at the same time I'm bored.  What is the deal??  But today I ran.  It felt great.  It felt good to just run and not think.  I didn't think about anything but making it another mile.  I needed that.  I'm still so thankful for running.  I need it... so bad.

I'm dealing with a lot right now.


Health stuff.

Marriage stuff... it's good... always... but more on that later.

But in all of this I have to remember how wonderful life is.  All of the things I'm concerned with are not even a big deal.  The kids are sooo great.  They amaze me every day.  They make me laugh and they make me cry.  Lane is wonderful to me.  My family is the best.  I have so much to be thankful for.  If I actually sit down and think about it I come to the conclusion every time that I am a selfish selfish person.  I have so much... I have more than I could ever possibly need.

I hope I'm not alone in this.  Maybe it's just me being a stay at home mom... day in and day out.  Nothing ever changes.  And don't get me wrong, I feel incredibly blessed to be here at home with my kids all day every day.  But sometimes I just feel like I need a purpose... other than helping mold these baby girls into little ladies.  I love what I do.  I really do.

I just need to vent right now.

God, make me humble.  Humble and thankful for this great life.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Camping, strep throat, freaky husband... stuff like that...

We're home!  

It feels good to be home.  Camping was amazing.  We could stay in Yosemite forever and never get tired of it.  But home is nice too.  

So our trip was kinda crazy.  Camping is never relaxing... those of you who do it... you know what I'm talking about.  Between making sure your coolers have enough ice so your food doesn't rot to having to walk a quarter of a mile to pee to keeping a constant eye on your kids and making sure they aren't drowning in the river... wow... definitely not relaxing.  But fun.  

So our trip started out great... by great I mean horrible.  Claire woke up whining and she felt hot.  Of course.  A fever.  I thought we were in the clear because she had had a fever of 104.5 the week before and I thought, "Cool.  We'll get this out of the way before we go on our vacation that we've been planning for almost a year.  Perfect."  But of course the morning of, we get up at 6:00 and I take her temperature.  Only 100 degrees.  Not bad but she looks pale and is sitting quietly on the couch, not talking, not eating... not a good sign.  We get everyone in the car a take off.  We stop and pick up my aunt so she can ride with us on the way up.  We're on the road for about 45 minutes and Claire throws up everywhere.  On her clothes and her car seat.  Poor thing.  We pull over and I'm frantic.  I run into Albertsons and purchase every type of disinfectant I can find.  I'm freaking out at this point because 1. I HATE throw up.  I'm terrified of it.  And 2. I thought we'd have to turn around and go home.  Lane assured me that she'd be fine.  So we kept going.  She seemed to be doing better.  I gave her Tylenol.  She took a nap, then my aunt read her books and kept her busy.  We got to our campsite and suddenly she was a zombie.  She had chills and it was a 100 degrees outside.  So we took her temperature again.  102.5.  What the heck?!  Here we are, 6 hours from home, in the wilderness in 100 degree heat.  What do I do with this kid?  We tried having her soak her feet in the ice cold river, but she wasn't feelin it.  I had a weird feeling and just wanted to get her checked out so my mom and I took her over to the medical clinic.  They checked and said her tonsils were HUGE and red.  Strep throat.  So she got to sit in a nice air conditioned room and eat a popsicle while they got her antibiotics ready.  They also gave her a big dose of Motrin and she was almost herself by the time we left.  Granted, we were there for over 2 hours.  I was sooo happy though.  It breaks my heart to see her feeling horrible.

So with that taken care of, we were able to relax and start our vacation.  Aaaaahhhh.  It was so nice to be there.  The weather was hot, the river was freezing.  Every part of that place is absolutely breathtaking.

The nights were okay.  Faye isn't the best sleeper away from home but I was ready for that.  The first morning we woke up at 4:45 am (thanks to Faye), and we went on a little 7 mile run.  No one was out and it was amazing.  Later that day we rode bike for miles and miles.  Dexter ran along or rode in the back of the bike trailer which was cute.  Day two was great.  Adam and I did a pretty brutal hike up to Yosemite Falls. We hiked up pretty fast and ran down (where we could).  It was gorgeous up there.  But I'm feeling it.  I can barely walk... I'm SOO sore.  The next day, Lane got up early to hike the famous Half Dome!  (I didn't go for a couple different reasons...)  But we had done a little research before hand.  Everything out there says that this 17.5 mile hike is extremely strenuous and will take 10 to 12 hours to complete.  Well guess how long it took Lane?  3 1/2 HOURS!!!  He got back and I was seriously in shock.  Are you kidding me???  And also... he's not even sore today.  Who is this guy?  He's a freak.  In a good way.

So there it is.  All about Yosemite 2010.  I can't wait to go back.  I may even attempt half dome next time.  But Lane says he won't let me climb the actual dome at the end because it's waaay too dangerous.  And I'm okay with that because I'm terrified of heights.

I learned a lot this week.  I was reminded that I can plan and plan but things won't go my way.  I learned that I still have anxiety issues... kinda bad.  I have a rash on my neck that I used to get only when I was in full-on panic mode... and here I am... the rash is back.  It's small... but it's back.  I've also learned that I've gotten out of the habit of praying when I feel anxious or stressed.  This weekend was a great reminder, that prayer works wonders.  It took me a few days to really sit back and relax and pray and thank God for my family, instead of pacing and worrying, which I did for a lot of this trip.  What a waste of time, right?  I know.

This was long.  Sorry about that.  Enjoy the pictures!

Nap time in the bike trailer.

Mirror Lake.  So beautiful.

Ice cream time!

Sleepy heads.  I love this stretchy face.

Half way up to Yosemite Falls.

The top of Yosemite Falls!