Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Bier me is (almost) back...

In a pursuit to get my butt in gear... I signed up for this half marathon yesterday.

I'm debating whether or not I should train for this wearing Vibrams and then see if I can run it wearing Vibrams... or if I should find some amazing comfy shoes to run in... Hmmm.

Either way, I'm running it!!!

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Christmas 2010...

Christmas was absolutely wonderful this year.

Everyone was happy.  Everyone got along.  

I feel that this year I thought a lot about what Christmas really is... and what it's supposed to be.  It felt good to not have anything on my Christmas list this year.  And to just be excited for the girls.  I wanted them to have fun.  I also talked to Claire a lot about the true meaning of Christmas.  We talked about it for weeks before.  So on Christmas Eve when she was opening her presents and yelling, "Do I have any more???  Where are my other ones???" I was able to remind her of what we had talked about.  

Christmas Eve was at my parents... it always is.  We did dinner then Claire and I did a few songs for everyone.  She sang and I played guitar.  She was so CUTE.  And then my dad "read" us the Christmas story.  He actually just had it playing on his iPad and he held it up so we all could see.  Haha.  Technology these days.  After we opened presents we went home and set out cookies and milk for Santa and our exhausted babies went to bed.  

Christmas morning was so fun!  The girls woke up around 8:00.  Claire ran out to make sure that Santa had eaten the cookies and drank the milk.  And of course he had.  Then they opened their presents from us and Santa.  We spent the afternoon laying around then did a big Christmas lunch at my parents.  Delicious.  Then we jumped in the car and headed to Solvang (in the pouring rain) to have dinner with Lane's dad and step mom and her kids.  We had a great time there.  Even though I spent the majority of the evening sleeping on the couch and waking up for 2 minute periods to watch iCarly.  (I love that show...)  But it was so good to spend time with the Solvang peeps.

It was a busy busy busy weekend!  But it was amazing.  I'm glad it's over.  And I'm super excited because this means that summer is right around the corner!!!  WOOHOOOO!

*This is random*
One last thing... I took a pregnancy test this morning.  It was positive.  So Lane went to the store and got me some more tests... which were negative.  I'm gonna say... I was kinda bummed.  I'm gonna take another one in the morning just to be sure...  And also, weird to get a false positive???  Right??

Here are a few pictures...  
I didn't take that many this year.  Bummer.

On our way to THE Christmas party!!!  

Presents!!!  Yes.  It was a tad bit overboard.

Foofie loves her aunt Beetee.

Claire said, "I guess he didn't like this cookie!  He only took one bite!"

And christmas wouldn't be christmas without this bed head.   It's getting better every year.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

My wise man.

Alright people... it's 2:27 am.  

I'm typing this with shaky hands... waiting for the calm to come so I can get some sleep.

I've been in a weird place for the past few weeks.  Better in some ways, worse in others.  

I just had an insane experience... with Lane.  As some of you know, I've been going it alone with this whole anxiety thing.  I have a wonderful husband.  He's supportive in other ways.  When he knows I'm stressed he's extra helpful around the house, or he'll take the girls so I can nap or have alone time.  He's amazing.  But when it comes to my anxiety he's never really said anything.  Tonight he was at a friends house and came in late.  I was in bed... awake.  The lights were off but when he came in I turned my light on and told him I couldn't sleep.  He asked why.  Anxiety.  He asked if he could give me a back rub.  I let him for a few minutes but I felt like I couldn't breathe so I made him stop.  He asked me what was going on and I said, "I don't really know.  My mind is just racing..."  He said, "If I could take it for you, I would in a second.  I would take on whatever you're dealing with in a split second."  And then he started to cry.  Let me say, Lane DOES NOT cry.  Ever.  He cried on our wedding day and maybe one other time...?  But we've been together for 10 years now.  And he doesn't cry. 

 But this man wept for me tonight.  He tried to hide his face in his pillow but I could hear every sob... for me.  We cried together... for the first time ever.  He said he was just so frustrated.  Frustrated that he couldn't fix me and frustrated that I'm doing this alone.  He kept saying that he would take it from me if he could.  

And then we talked.  About everything.  For the first time ever.  Lot's of firsts tonight...

I just haven't felt like I could share this stuff with Lane.  He doesn't get anxiety about anything.  He doesn't have ANY. AT. ALL.  

But he explained how it affects everyone around me.  I knew this, but it's eye opening to have someone tell you straight up.  He told me he sees how it affects the girls, and my parents, and of course, him.  I know this and it should be enough to make me say, "ENOUGH.  I'm done with anxiety."  And I want to say that with all of my heart.  But how?

We also talked about the positives and negatives in my life.  I have a loooong list of positives and I have one thing on my negative list... you guessed it... anxiety.  And which one do I spend more time thinking about?  Anxiety.  Which one do I pray about more?  Anxiety.  

Lane told me, "I don't pray often but when I do it always starts with 'Thank you'".  He said when things come up in life that are rough he doesn't beg God for a way out, he just waits for it to pass, because that's life.

I am married to a wise man.  A man that sees the world in a way that we all should.  A man that is thankful.  A man that just taught me a great lesson about myself.  

Thank you for loving me Lane.  Thank you for crying for me.  That's what I needed tonight.  I needed to know that you are here and that you don't understand but that you love me.  Thank you.  I love you.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

4:16 am.

I'm up.  4:16 am.  I shot out of bed in full panic mode, ready to run from something... but how can you run from yourself?  Does anyone ever feel like with your anxiety you'll be feeling really awesome about it and then it gets worse before it can get even better.  I think that's where I'm at.  It might be the enemy attacking me... or it might just be me.  Either way, I'm up.  Wide awake.  And it sucks.

Anyone read My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers?  I've been reading this little book almost everyday for probably 8 or 9 years.  I'm sure there have been times where I've gone months without reading it, but I've read it a lot.  It's an old book.  The first edition was published in 1932.  This man had an amazing heart for God.  And it's crazy that he wrote all of these things that I can relate to today.  It shows that God never changes.  It's a little devotional book.  There's some scripture and some insight from Oswald Chambers for every day of the year.  I particularly love his entry for November 7th... "The Undetected Sacredness of Circumstances".  He's starts with the verse Romans 8:28... "We know that all things work together for good to those who love God..."  And then says this, "The circumstances of a saint's life are ordained of God.  In the life of a saint there is no such thing as chance.  God by his providence brings you into circumstances that you can't understand at all, but the Spirit of God understands.  God brings you to places, among people, and into certain conditions to accomplish a definite purpose through the intercession of the Spirit in you.  Never put yourself in front of your circumstances and say, 'I'm going to be my own providence here; I will watch this closely, or protect myself from that.' All your circumstances are in the hand of God, and therefore you don't ever have to think they are unnatural or unique."

I truly believe this... but I don't live like I believe it.  I believe that God knows every part of me.  He knows my heart and my mind and my body.  He knows what I'll do and say tomorrow... and the next day... and the next.  But I don't live my life like I know these things.  Sometimes I live my life in fear of the next day, hour or moment.  I'm fearful of the unknown.  Lately it's not everyday that I feel this way, which is a step in the right direction.  Why can't I just accept my circumstances, know that I'm there for a reason, and get on with my life?  Because something in me is telling me to fear.

I'm over this living in fear thing.  I'm ready to move on but I know it's gonna take more time.  I got myself into this mess and now I have to dig myself out.  And that's gonna take months... maybe even years.  But I'm willing to put in the time to get rid of this.

And seriously how many blogs can one person possible write about anxiety.  A LOT apparently.  Sorry guys.  This is just what I do in the middle of the night.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Run with me!

Alright running friends...

Who's up for a little challenge??

I wanna do something to get me (and all of you) motivated!

How about setting a weekly miles goal?

Since the City to Sea half marathon I have been slacking.  BIG TIME.  After that I just didn't feel like I had anything to work towards.  And that race was so bad for me I was just bummed out on running.  I've ran a few miles here and there but my love and passion for running kind of died out for a little while and now I feel like I lost one of my best friends.  I'm sad.  I'm irritable.  I'm soo tired all the time.  I'm depressed.  

I. need. to. RUN.

So let's do something about this...

Let's set a goal for this week.  

Let's say 20 miles total for this week?  That gives us six days to get 20 miles in.  If we run everyday that's only a little over 3 miles a day... or split it up into some longer runs.

Who's with me??

Monday, November 15, 2010

Bring on the earthquakes...

Read this... and read all of it.  I want input and opinions about the last part...

So I started seeing a new counselor.

She's awesome.

I've seen her twice.  We're doing sessions every two weeks and I'm honestly feeling waaay better about life... about everything.

We focus on my specific phobias and fears and that's working out really well for me.  We aren't going to dig into my past... (I don't think there's anything to dig up.) We're just focusing on now and why I do the things I do and feel the way I feel.  She made a good point that hit me hard.  She said prayer is awesome.  It will work in amazing ways.  We can use it find peace and to relax but sometimes we need more.  She said I could take a grain of wheat and lay it on my table and have every pastor in the world come to my house and pray that it would grow and produce... but it won't.  It needs to be planted in the ground to grow.  So if I just take the grain of wheat off of my table, plant it in the ground and give it some water it'll produce.  So that's me... I have these issues.  I've been praying and praying for 2 years that God would take them from me.  But what I've really needed is to find a way to let them go.  I need to give them up and get them out of my life.  I need to do that on my own and then he can do amazing things in me.  I just haven't given it up yet.  But I'm well on my way.  So instead of just sitting and waiting for something to happen, I need to take the next step.  

And this is kind of off the subject... but it'll all tie together... I think.

A local pastor, whom I love and respect, made an announcement at his church the other day.  (This is the church I grew up in... but that I don't go to anymore.)  He said he had a "vision".  I don't know if those are the exact words he used.  He said that he feels there will be an earthquake in California.  He feels it might be in March.  He's predicting an 8.0 or higher and he says it will be statewide.  He's calling is a "Mercy Shake".  But an 8.0 statewide earthquake would be a lot more than a mercy shake.  People would die.  A lot of people would die.


I heard this and thought, "This is ridiculous."  Seriously.  

The hard part is, this is a trustworthy man.  A man that has known my family since I was tiny.  He loves Jesus soo much.  But wow.  I don't even know.  

I believe that God still speaks to people in this way.  But I don't agree with putting a time or a number on anything.  

What if this doesn't happen?  Hundreds and hundreds of people in his church will be... let down?  And what if it does?  Why is the pastor the only one I know of that has ever heard from God in this way?  And why is God not speaking to other pastors in California about this?  Why can't he let them know so they can tell there churches to be prepared for this HUGE disaster?

I'm just confused I guess.  It's the kind of thing where you hope it doesn't happen... of course.

Also, I believe that God gives people discernment and so far I haven't heard anyone say that they think THIS IS IT.  People are like, "Uhhhh.... what?"

So ya, this is going on.  I'm soo surprised that my anxiety isn't through the roof over this.  I've been pretty calm about it.  Just like, "Ya maybe, maybe not?  Whatever happens, happens."  

So this is to say that, my anxiety has gotten soo much better.  Seriously?  I should be a crazy person right now and I'm not.  I'm okay.  I have Jesus.  I have my family.  I'm happy.  I'm content.  I've been shaken up in a good way.  I'm ready for life.  I'm ready for whatever.  These things that I'm so afraid of will only make me stronger.  So bring on the earthquakes, (not literally please)  because I can handle em'.

And P.S.  This has gotten me thinking though... Getting some supplies together is not a bad idea.  You know... just in case.  You never know.  There will be an earthquake at some point.  I mean... this is California.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Much needed girls trip.

Here I am.  I fell asleep on the couch a little bit ago then tried to get up and go to bed... and here's what happens...  I'm WIDE AWAKE.  So I thought it would be a good time to post my blog about Disneyland.  

We had been wanting to do a girls only trip for sooo long.  We finally sat down and kind of threw this trip together.  We decided on Disneyland.  It's not too far from home and it's super duper fun.  And I haven't been without kids in 4 years!  Lane and I used to go all the time.  And I love that place.  It really is so dang magical.  

We left late Thursday night and drove to Pasadena.  Lisa's parents have a condo there.  It worked out perfectly.  We got to hit up Ikea before Disneyland, which was amazing!  We got to Disneyland around 2:00 on Friday and stayed until midnight.  We were soo tired and soo delirious.  But it was a blast.  Then we got up on Saturday (after a FULL nights sleep... thank goodness!!!) and headed over to California Adventure.  We spent the day there.  I didn't go on most of the rides... because I HATE that kind of stuff... but I did participate in the bumper cars and the water rafting ride when it was night time and freezing cold.  (Good idea Lisa!!!  I'm totally kidding.)  And of course I got the most soaked out of everyone.  

And then we ended the night with the World of Color show and that was absolutely incredible.  Even though we had to run about a mile and a half to see it.  We had to be back by a certain time and we were running late. We ran all the way from our hotel to the park.  Let me tell ya, running at 10 o'clock at night in jeggings, a jacket, a scarf and little ballet flats is not easy... and not that fun.  But we made it and that's all that matters.   It was worth it!  That show was insane.  If you're ever there you CAN NOT miss it.  

So here are some pictures.  I didn't want to go overboard on the blog, so I'm not gonna put up a ton.  Enjoy!

Samantha, Lisa, Jackie and Lori... Love these girls.

SO excited to go to Disneyland!

Cuddling on the Matterhorn.

Pickle time.

I was THRILLED to have my picture taken with Mulan!  Isn't she gorgeous???

This was actually the first picture I took.  We were just leaving.  But I don't have the energy to move it to the top right now.

This carousel was adorable.  

"E" for Erin.  I made it happen.

We had just run a mile and a half.

World of Color.  This does not do it justice.

Lane sent me this picture of the girls Saturday morning.  My heart was already breaking because I missed them so much and then I got this.

 There's so much more I could say about this trip.  It was wonderful.  I needed it.  It was great to be with friends and to get away but at the same time it made me so incredibly grateful for my family because I missed them SOO much.  This trip made me a better mom.  I came home so refreshed and ready to be with my family.  And being around all of those babies at D-land kind of made me want a baby.  Uh oh.

Monday, November 1, 2010


Stole this from Skylana, who stole it from Emery.  And I totally remember when Emery did this a few years ago.  I don't know if you made up these questions Skylana, but I just used yours.  So thanks :)  And I've always wanted to do this... because kids say cute things.

1. What is something mommy always says to you?

2. What makes mommy happy?
When I say, "Love you!"

3. What makes mommy sad?
When I do bad stuff to Faye.

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Make funny faces.

5. What was your mom like as a child?
Uh... my little pony?

6. How old is your mom?
Uhh... firty?  (30)

7. How tall is your mom?

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Pet Bridgette.

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
Hang out with Faye.

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Um I know!  Loving.

11. What is your mom really good at?
Playing with me!

12. What is your mom not very good at?
Eating popsicles.

13. What does your mom do for her job?
She cleans dishes.

14. What's your mom's favorite food?

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
Buckling me up in my carseat.

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Fall Fashion - Sunday

Can't believe its already Sunday! This week flew by despite the fact that the girls have been sick all.week.long. I'm so thankful that today is a new day. We're still sick over here but it just feels good to wake up to a new morning.

Today's outfit is... eh. I threw this on because I get to go to the store!!! Woohoo!!! My moms gonna come over and watch the girls so I get to get out for a minute! Thank the Lord for my mom!

Shirt & leggings: Forever 21
Dress: Urban Outfitters
Shoes: China Town in SF

Have a great day everyone! Have fun with your little ones:)

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Fall Fashion - Saturday

I'm attempting my first blog on my iPhone because Claire took over the computer. She's really busy watching Justin Bieber videos on YouTube.

It's Saturday! Now Faye has a fever so we're takin' it easy. We'll be having yet another movie day over here. And I'm gonna try and get a Costco trip in at some point. So today's outfit is super casual.

My little sickie... Dreadlocks and all.

Sweatshirt: Ross
Tshirt: Lane's closet
Jeans: Triple Q (hand me downs)
Shoes: Blowfish

Hope everyone has a great Saturday!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Fall Fashion Week - Friday

I've been inspired.  So many of you have been wearing comfy knee length skirts this week.  I have a couple so I decided to bust one out.  I haven't worn this since I was pregnant with Claire.  But it's super comfy.  And today I wanted to be comfy.  The only things on my agenda today are running and showering (already did those), paying bills, grocery shopping and a little cleaning... oh and buying a new washer/dryer online!  YES!!!

Shirt: Ross
Skirt: I don't know... but it has pockets so I like it.
Shoes: Blowfish

And me wearing my hair down is a big deal.  It's in that awkward stage... still kinda short but also kinda long-er-ish. (Long for me anyway!)  Grow hair grow!

I'm sad that fashion week is almost over!  Check out the other girls on Emery's blog!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Fall Fashion Week - Thursday

Finally!  It's almost 4:00 and I'm finally posting.  

It's almost 80 degrees here today... not exactly sweater, tights and boots weather.  So I had to wear shorts.  It's just too nice out.

Cardigan: Steve and Barry's (like a million years ago..)
Tank Top: American Apparel
Shorts: Pants I bought at Kohls and cut off
Knee Socks: Forever 21
Boots: Steve Madden from Marshalls

And Claire had her Harvest Party at preschool today.  Doesn't she look so cute in her Batgirl costume?  

I'm loving seeing what you all are wearing!  I feel bad because I don't get to look at everyone since like 80 ladies are doing this every day!  

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Fall Fashion Week - Wednesday

Wednesday already!  Crazy.

Today it's actually cold enough to wear leggings and boots.  It's like 65 degrees today!  Brrrr!

This first picture is funny.  Totally looks like I meant to do this dramatic pose.  I didn't mean to!  I'm still trying to figure out how to take pictures of myself without using a mirror.  So I was about to fix my hair... and this is what I got... haha.

Shirt: Forever 21
Skirt (with pockets!!!): Forever 21
Leggings: Target
Boots: Steve Madden from Marshalls

Annnnnd... Back to the mirror.  I'm better at the mirror shots.

And I seriously LOVE fashion week.  It's something I'll be looking forward to every season so I hope it keeps happening.  Can't wait to see what you guys are wearing!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Fall Fashion Week - Tuesday

My outfit isn't very exciting today... Claire is home with a fever so I'm not doing much of anything... besides spoon feeding chicken noodle soup and cuddling... oh and putting in a new DVD every hour and a half or so...  But because of Fashion Week I actually got dressed... I would have for sure stayed in PJ's on a day like today if it weren't for that.

Soo ya, jeans and a t-shirt it is.

Unicorn shirt: Urban Outfitters
Cardigan: Forever 21
Jeans: Hurley from Marshalls

Wouldn't be a t-shirt and jeans day without TOMS... holes and all.

My little sicky.  She actually said, "Okay I'm gonna make a sad face now" right before I took this and then I have like 7 other pictures of her smiling huge.  She felt alright today... just a little fever.  And I'm surprised every time I take a close up of her face... but how much does she look like Lane?!  It's crazy.

And Bridgette posed for me so I had to post one of her.  Isn't she hilarious?  I laugh just looking at this picture.  I don't know why.

 Happy Tuesday everyone!  Can't wait to see what everyone else is wearing!

Monday, October 25, 2010

Fall Fashion Week - Monday

I'm pretty excited about this.  This will be my 3rd time participating in a fashion week.  I didn't think I'd love doing it, but I do.  I especially love checking out what every one else is wearing.

Here's today...

Cardigan: I have no idea...
Dress: $3 at Walmart (Miley Cyrus)  Score!
Leggings: Forever 21
Stripey Slip-ons: Walmart

Wow, it seems that I like to shop at Walmart.

And then everyone wanted to get in on it...

Sorry for the crappy iPhone pictures.  Have a great Monday everyone!  Can't wait to see what all of you are wearing!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Faye turns two.

I know I already did a post on Faye for her bday.  But I wanted to post some pictures... which gave me a good excuse to look through all of her newborn pictures!!!  I love to do that.  So I wanted to post some.  She's changed so much.  She's grown up into the sweetest 2 year old little woman.  I love her more every day.  Happy Birthday Faye.