Monday, August 24, 2009


Yesterday Lane woke up early and got his running gear on. He headed to Montana De Oro to run in a 50k trail run race. I gotta tell you, I was a little nervous for him. For starters, he's never run over 25 miles. So that right there makes it kind of gnarly. A 50k is about 32 miles by the way. And it's not just 32 miles, it's 32 miles on trails, up mountains... we're talking rocky terrain.

So, the girls and I headed up to Montana De Oro around 2:45 to meet him at the finish line. We waited and waited. And there he was! Running through the finish line! So crazy! I got a little teary. It was wild. He accomplished something crazy and I was really proud of him. And I forgot to take pictures.

So, I'm pretty impressed. Lane did something that I'm pretty sure I will never do... I don't ever want to do it. Yay for Lane!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I love peace.

I don't know how many times I can possibly write about this subject, but it's obviously something that's important to me so here goes...

As you know, I have some fears. A lot of fears. In the last 6 weeks or so, maybe longer, my fears have gone from a level 10 to a level 5, maybe even a 4. Something happened. It started one night when my parents prayed for me (I wrote about that), and then after that I got super freaked out that things would just get worse and everything would start over. But here I am. I feel better than ever. I feel strong and I feel like I'm really really going to overcome my phobias and fears. I'll always have some anxiety... I'm an anxious person. But lately I don't. I just don't stress about stuff. I don't care if I don't get everything done on my list. I don't care if the girls get sick... well, I care but I don't stress about it.

My outlook on life is getting better and better. I can't even begin to explain the change that has happened in my head and in my heart... but it is REAL. And I love it.

My relationship with God is intense. In a good way. I'm finding the peace that I need to take life one day at a time and to appreciate every moment, even the not so pleasant ones. Peace. I love it. I love having it. I love the work it takes to get it. It's fun and it's exciting and even hard to obtain, but God gives it so freely. I'm finding that if I have peace in my marriage, in my family, my friendships, in all relationships, even in my finances then I will have peace in life, peace in my heart and in my mind. Isn't it wild how that works? I've been experimenting with it and it is so true. I love this journey.

Some days I still let my anxiety get the best of me. We'll all have good days and bad days. But I truly believe that we are on this earth to enjoy life, a peaceful life, to help people, and to change things for the better. I just want to be a good person. I don't want enemies. I don't want to be judgmental. I want to be humble.

I started thinking about all of this and how far I've come because today I signed Claire up for preschool. Three months ago, even thinking about it wasn't an option. She was actually on a list and they were ready for her to start and I said no. Because I was afraid. I was afraid of the unknown. I was afraid of germs and sicknesses, all of the things she would be exposed to. But today I took a huge step... more like a leap... and signed her up. And it felt good. It felt right. I felt excited and not afraid.

And a little thing like this was enough to make me see how far I've come. The Lord heard my prayers. I didn't want to be trapped anymore. He gave me freedom and I'm so thankful.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Another one about the fam... What else is new?

So... It's 11:00 pm. I can't sleep. I haven't had one of these nights for awhile and I'm pretty happy about that.

Life is good. I seems like feeling normal is becoming more normal everday and I love it. I know that a lot of what was going on with me was hormonal and finally my hormones are relaxing a bit. It's nice to enjoy life. I had forgotten how to do that. And lately I really enjoy it.

I'm so in love with Claire and Faye. They are the two sweetest, most precious little things ever. My heart breaks (in that mom kind of way) when I watch them play together and laugh together. I'm head over heels for these girls and I wish they could stay this age forever. I just love that they actually love eachother now. If Claire leaves the room, Faye follows. They play in Claire's room quietly and look at books together. If Claire wants to color, Faye has to join in. She can't color yet but she can eat the crayons. She's good at that. They might just be the best of friends one day. It's insanely adorable.

Lane and I celebrated our seven year anniversary by doing... nothing. Haha. No, but really, we didn't do anything. We get to have a date day on Sunday which will be wonderful for us. Unfortunately it'll be cut short due to the fact thar Lane is kind of a workaholic... perfect. I'm just excited to get out of the house with him... alone. Fun! And the best part about the date? He's taking me to the new Forever 21. Pretty exciting, huh?

Maybe I should post some pictures... I'm bored/boring.